her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
