You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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