is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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