East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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