Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
