Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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