i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She is in my trunk
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
