come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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