you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
