you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
