i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize