Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
