The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
