he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So. Much. Porn.
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