Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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