Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
