I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
