just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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