Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
