This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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