i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
