I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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