drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
