Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just had sex on a roof
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
