Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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