God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
