i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize