Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
