You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
