bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
