Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
