I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
