Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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