i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize