Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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