I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
