theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
this boner is exhausting
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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