I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
