If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
