Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
