she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
