why didn't you poke me back
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize