so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
