On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
