apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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