I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
