I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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