conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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