ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
