nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize