shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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