I look better un-naked...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
