At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
