omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
