You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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