Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
