I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
