can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
