I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
