All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
