i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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