We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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