I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
