i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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