I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
