Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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