whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
