I think I died a long time ago.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
