Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
