these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky š
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I need advice on ways to politely say āfuck you on your way to hellā.
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