Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
