last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
