once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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